Alright, I’ll come clean. I’ve never actually had a root canal, and like many, I hope I never have to. Whether you want one or not, most of the time you feel better after it’s done. It can actually help you. Most leave feeling much less pain and much more relief than when they went in. And that has always been the outcome for me in my therapy sessions.
Am I the only weirdo out there that loves therapy?
Let’s get this straight. So I get to have someone’s undivided attention for an hour, where we get to sit and talk about nothing but little ol’ me? Have you ever heard that if you want people to like you, you should ask them questions about themselves, get them talking, and then they will feel really connected to you? Well, that’s how therapy was for me. I was so charmed by the attention from both my career coach and my therapist, that I felt as if we had become great friends. I felt so close to them, but really, I knew very little about them. At the start of every appointment I wanted to ask about them. What’s new in your life? How are you? But being respectful of the schedule, I knew there was rarely time. It felt just like any budding friendship, forming bonds and sharing feelings, except this time it was all about me and, oh yeah, I had to pay.
The work with Melanie was the next appropriate step I needed to move forward. Though I thought I was ready to continue on my own, I still needed to sort through some of my crap. Until this moment I was going nowhere, pretending to be okay, when I was still a complete wreck inside. My own husband didn’t even know I was faking it. Ahem, faking being happy. Get your mind out of the gutter.
I was able to function to get by, but that’s not living.
Melanie used a technique and philosophy called the Sedona Method, so I had decided that if I was to work with her, I better learn it. It’s not as if I was forced into learning it against my will, but it was all so new to me that I was hesitant about it. Remember, at this point I was willing to do anything. So while I wasn’t completely sure I understood it or knew how to do it, I just went along with it. It’s not even a big deal. It’s not a cult, or anything like that. It’s mainly a philosophy and a practice. Although I don’t know much about meditation, I’ve decided that for me, it’s my form of meditation. The philosophy is simply about learning to let go of things. Hell, I’m still not sure I get it, but I continue to go along with it, and here’s what I can say:
Since I started playing along, I have seen MASSIVE changes in my life.
I have learned to more effectively let go of things or feelings that bother me
. I have learned to respond to my anxiety or stress with much more ease. I have learned to allow good things to come my way instead of trying to force them into my life. I am better at simply going with the flow and not fighting or resisting things I can’t control.
What was the biggest thing I learned up to this point?
I learned that I wanted out of my career so badly that I kept trying to push it out of my life. I thought pushing it away would make it go away. Instead I was focused on pushing it so hard and ferociously that I was making it the center my universe. It wouldn’t go away, and I couldn’t see past it to discover what might be waiting for me around the corner. I wasn’t giving myself the space to let anything new and good into my life. There was no room for any of that since it was all consumed by the hatred I felt for my career and my job. It took a while to see that the harder I pushed to be free, the more trapped I became.
As a result of my desperate attempts to control my career, instead it ended up controlling me.