It was July 17, 2001: the day we officially met for the first time. It was our first real date and the day my budding romance with dentistry began. Everything was new and exciting. There was no time to notice any red flags because I was too taken by the potential of how amazing my new life would be. Our 10-year relationship was off to a great start, and I looked forward to the long life we would share together.
During the initial phase of our courtship, dentistry showered me with a lot of wonderful gifts and unexpected attention. Life felt new, and I felt recharged. The good times were great, and the bad times were likely to pass. I was sure of it.
Having been a full-time student my whole life, at 27 everything changed. I celebrated every moment, knowing I no longer had to attend a class. I appreciated the luxury of leaving my work at the office and having the opportunity to focus my attention on anything else; or not having to devote all of my “me time” to studying for a test, writing a paper, or reading a textbook. I suddenly felt free. And I finally got to feel what it was like to get a paycheck, simply for putting in the same hours of work I did while in school.
Who would have ever thought that this very committed relationship would leave me feeling so independent and free?
It was scary too though. I went from being a big cheese senior in dental school to someone who, once again, didn’t know anything. I had to now learn to work with other people, and acquire the minor skills they neglected to teach us in dental school: how to lead an office; how to work with an assistant; how to work with office managers and receptionists; how to get the team to rally around you. Oh, and how to manage patient relationships and treating more than 2 patients in an entire day.
Life was so exciting, though, that I was too distracted to worry. New city, new job, new friends, new paycheck. It was fun to meet new people and watch them react, shocked to discover I was a dentist. The ultimate was the dirty old man at a friend’s wedding. I was talking to this much older “gentleman,” and he asked me what I did for a living. When I responded, “I’m a dentist,” he stopped in his tracks. “Wait! What? Oh, Aw, Um, No way! Honey, honey, come here,” he called over his wife. Before I could respond, his wife came rushing over. “Honey, guess what this Laura, here, does for a living?” He couldn’t leave it at that. He felt the need to now insert foot into mouth. “Okay, I’m gonna give you 3 choices. She is… um, a stripper? Uh, or… uh, a teacher? Or a dentist?” I didn’t know whether I should have felt flattered that I didn’t fall into the dentist stereotype or insulted that the first thing that came to his mind in order to fool his wife was that I was a stripper. Which reminds me… here’s a good one all of you lady dentists will relate to:
Stranger: What do you do?
Me: I’m a dentist.
Stranger: Oh, so you clean teeth? You’re a hygienist?
Me: No, I’m a dentist. You know, root canals, fillings, pulling teeth.
Stranger: Ohhhh, wowwww! I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to… wow!
Hygienists, this is not an insult to your profession. It is a great one indeed. It’s more a commentary made by this not-extreme-feminist woman who finds it funny that many people do not expect that a woman can possibly be a dentist.
While the reactions from people were never dull, people were always very respectful to me (except for implying that I was more likely to be a stripper.) It was generally always positive. In fact, I miss saying that I’m a dentist when people ask me what I do. I don’t miss the inevitable questions that follow: “oh, hey, my dentist wants to put caps on my eye teeth. What do you think? Do I need them?” Or “I went to a place where I got x-rays and an exam and a cleaning and tooth whitening– all for only $29.99! Didn’t I get a great deal? They said I need something called deep cleanings and 14 porcelain fillings. Are they scamming me? What do you think I should do?” Regardless of the response, everyone knows what you do when you say you’re a dentist. It’s an easy one-word answer. There’s no explanation. As I settle into my new identity, it’s hard for me to tell people what I do now without first explaining that I’m a “retired dentist” going through a career change. Right now, it’s still a part of who I am. I guess some old habits die hard.
So anyway, here I was, in this blossoming partnership, getting to know dentistry with a fairly open mind, hoping we would fall for each other. As with many relationships, we had a lot going for us but also a lot of challenges to overcome. I didn’t want to see those obstacles. That’s the value of getting to know someone before taking the plunge. Over time, certain truths come out. Once you’re so tied together, it’s harder to break up. For me, obviously there was no other way to find out if dentistry was the one for me. I had to take the plunge, but I truly don’t think that at any point in our relationship it ever would have been easy to break it off.
I guess there will always be a place in my heart for dentistry, and I hope we can remain friends. I smile everyday as I ask myself do I miss it?
And that smile lingers as I answer… not a chance!
Hi,
Life is always a challenge, but every now and then we decide to take a different road than the one we were on, and a different world opens up for us, the old saying sometimes is true:
“A change is as good as a holiday”.
I had to shake my head about the “stripper” comment from the “gentleman” that was a bit weird I thought, I’m certainly glad I’m not married to that one.
Hi Mags! It’s true. I still feel like I’m on holiday just because of the change.
The guy’s wife was a little embarrassed, but he’s probably always the drunk at the party embarrassing his wife!
Funny story…when I was in college, I was in the ‘seven year college/dental’ program. My floor-mates and I were watching a soap opera one day after class, and one of the characters was a ‘singing stripper’ to pay her way through dental school! I guess even in TV land, people think dental students need to ‘strip’ to get through it…The reality is they probably need to drink their way through!
Haha, Jeannie! What a funny coincidence. If we could find a way to get paid for drinking I’m sure many of us would do that!
I felt like I was reading my own journal! It is so comforting to know that I am not alone. I just left private practice after 10 years and am teaching full time. I love it! When I was out and people would ask “what do you do” I finally got to where I would lie because I didn’t want to explain it AGAIN. no…a D E N T I S T. yes, a REAL dentist. blah blah blah.
A friend from dental school sent me your link and I’ve been enjoying reading your stuff for the last month. Thanks for speaking out!
Thanks, Amity! I’m so pleased to hear that there are others out there in the same boat! That’s so funny that you would lie about being a dentist. I started to hate identifying with being a dentist so much that I often wanted to lie about it too. It’s funny that I like to say I’m a dentist now.
So that makes me think of another thing. I assume you teach in the dental school??? One thing that I hate is when dentists and dental students make a general statement that anyone who teaches couldn’t make it as a dentist in private practice!!!! While it might be true (and painfully obvious) for a few of them, it’s not that case for many. I realized that myself after I considered teaching as an option– even though I was capable of being a successful private practice doc I still wanted out. We should really think twice before we make those kind of judgements.
Congrats to you on making your switch! Thanks for following, and feel free to continue to share your story on here. I’d love to hear more!
Great story, Laura! That old guy just couldn’t believe anyone pretty could be a dentist or have a brain in her head- lame! Glad you’ve embarked on a new adventure, it is inspiring
Aww, thanks Molly! He was actually a really sweet DOM, but a bit clueless… and probably drunk.
Ah, yes, the sidewalk consult. “Does this crown look like it was done right?” Um, yeah, can’t tell from 4 feet away.
And the female nurse practitioner at my OB/GYN’s office insists on putting my career as “dental hygienist” in my electronic record, despite the fact that I update that medical/social history every year. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a hygienist, but that’s not what I do. And my own grandma thought women couldn’t extract teeth, because we’re not strong enough.
Sandy- and they are always putting their fingers in their mouth to show you!
Too funny about the nurse practitioner. I used to have a dental assistant that would talk about her time in “dental school.” I guess some people just lump it all together.
I shared your blog with my boss ( who falls under that too pretty to be smart or strong enough to be a Dentist category) and she laughs ( and I’m sure agrees!!) I can’t tell you how many times I’ve corrected patients that want to call her by her first name instead of DOCTOR.. she worked hard for that title and its disrespectful of them to call her anything but because she is a young woman!! Makes me want to roil my eyes.. lol
It’s funny. When I first started practicing I thought it would be great if people called me by my first name. I quickly learned that being a young lady, I needed to have people call me Dr just to establish that sense of knowledge, education, or whatever you call it. I think only older men can get away with that! Thanks for sharing, Tracey!
It is definitely hard to make than first impression as a young female dentist. Usually, I have to spend 10 minutes explaining that yes, I really am a dentist and then answering how I decided to go into this profession, like it is so unusual and strange. My male counterparts rarely get asked why they decided to go into dentistry.
So true, Dr H. I have a friend who mentioned to me on facebook that he gets asked why he doesn’t have an accent– he’s Indian. It’s so crazy the things some people think and will say! I would be interested to hear if any men get asked why they decided to go into dentistry???
Huh, I guess it hadn’t occurred to me that dentistry could be seen as such a boys club kind of profession. That would be obnoxious.
And you’ve given me something to be grateful for – most people just say “oh ok” after I say I’m a software engineer. And if they ask for computer help, I can rely on “classic engineering lack of social cues” to not get it. Suckers.
Yeah, I guess it is a bit of a boys club. I guess I sort of got used to it over the years. I bet people don’t ask about your job because it probably confuses them, and they’re intimidated to ask. Can be a good thing
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I tell people Im a Dental Hygienist and they say oh your an assistant… lol I say no..I clean the teeth and make the dentist money… lol (tongue in cheek) I through that in just for giggles and they look at me funny lol lol .. they say oh yeah your the one who cleans the teeth and the DR comes in and makes sure you cleaned them right…I say no they are not checking my work they are checking your work… to see if you have been taking care of your teeth and if you have cavities etc…. I just find it funny people know nothing about dentistry…I personally think dentistry in general has too much leaway and not enough monitoring…I think its sad that as a social worker now I do so much more for this world and helping people and I get paid so much less and yet its a way more important job than hygiene in the big sheme of things.. I wish has a hygienist I could of had my own office and focus on education with the patients etc… perhaps next door to a dentist we could refer back and forth.. but the good ole boys wont release that do us..espeically here in texas.. its so backward… I appalud you doing what you love you wont regret it….
Haha, Donna! I guess it happens on all scales. I think your response to them is very funny– we might as well have fun with patients and the perceptions they have. And then, how crazy is it that they think the dds is checking your work! How insulting! Again– I love your response. Brilliant– it’s is all about THEIR work. If only we could get patients to understand this better. The same stuff is going on here in Colorado with hygienists being able to have their own practices. The boys want to keep the control (and perhaps the $$$????) I have to say I haven’t invested much energy on forming an opinion on that debate, but I do think the scenario of having a dentist referral system could be a good solution.
Anyway, I bet you feel it’s worth it everyday to help people the way you do even if it is a much smaller paycheck. I decided after my first dental job that no amount of money could convince me to continue living the way I was. It is unfortunate though– same way with teachers. Thanks for the “applause!” It’s much appreciated, and yes, life is much better now.
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